Abusers drive; leaders lead (John 10:11-15).
� Abusers say, "I" while true leaders say, "We" (1 Cor. 3:5-9).
� Abusers insist on being served; true leaders serve (Matt.23.11).
� Abusers govern by guilt and fear; true leaders create trust
(1 Thess. 2:10-11).
� Abusers control by guilt and manipulation; true leaders influence by example (Phil. 3.17).
� Abusers think themselves better than others; true leaders esteem others better than themselves (Phil. 2.3).
� Abusers rely on the power of authority; true leaders rely on the power of servanthood (Matt.20.25).
� Abusers make service and ministry a grind; true leaders make work worthwhile (Nehemiah).
� Abusers serve themselves and their goals; true leaders serve others
(1 Cor. 9:19).
� Abusers wield authority; true leaders empower people (2 Tim. 2:2).
� Abusers fix blame; true leaders fix mistakes (Phm. 18-19).
� Abusers know how; true leaders show how (Ex. 18:17).
From his examination of Matthew 23, Ken Blue, in his timely book, Healing Spiritual Abuse, outlines the following "symptoms of abusive religion":
� Abusive leaders base their spiritual authority on their position of office rather than on their service to the group. Their style of leadership is authoritarian.
� Spiritually abusive church leaders manipulate people by making them feel guilty for not measuring up spiritually. They lay heavy religious loads on people and make no effort to lift those loads.
You know you are in an abusive church if the loads just keep getting heavier.
� Abusive leaders are preoccupied with looking good. They labor to keep up appearance. They stifle any criticism that puts them in a bad light.
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